Last night, while chatting with Marmalade, I typed - "I thought I knew all there is to know about love until I met him." She first replied with a smiley and then added, "I really look forward to hearing about him from you. Honestly, sometimes I fall in love a little with the two of you."

That made my heart swell with joy and sigh at the same time. I thought about how I've been falling in love a little with us too lately... How I've been holding back a lot, letting go a little, then pushing and pulling, feeling awkward, being awkward, getting my act together, appearing all fine... But then, I decide to dismiss all the other feelings and focus on just one - YOU.

Yes, you're a feeling too and the only one that seems to make sense these days. I don't think I've ever paid as much attention to anyone else. Come to think of it, I don't remember consciously observing
you so much as having your nuances just seep into my skin without me even realising it. Suddenly, I know what makes you awkward and blush, what makes you clam up and smile and not probe me even though I've said something that demands digging deeper. I know the shy look that casts its shadow on your face, the way you lower your eyes and your head just a little, when you find yourself attracted to someone, even when it's not me (I love how transparent you are). I know that sometimes when you're eager for an answer, you lean forward, lower your voice a little and tilt your head to one side. And when you're really angry, you won't let up until I tell you what you want to hear.

I know how you sound when you answer my call when you're alone and when there is someone around. And sometimes, you don't differentiate between the two situations and just let me know how happy you are to hear from me. I know what the ellipses mean in certain messages that you type. I know what you're trying not to say when you don't say anything and what you really mean when you do say the things you do. And then, I also know that you will surprise me every once in a while and say something I never thought you would. But most of all, I know the way you laugh... because when you do, it feels like life is suspended in that moment just for us, and nothing else exists except you, me and your laughter. It's all heart, all soul, all you, all us.

You keep saying it. I wasn't sure I believed it. But when you sit across from me and laugh, I can feel myself floating in that rare orbit where we belong. Maybe you're right. Maybe it really is maktub, my love. 

The Cloudcutter


neena maiya (guyana gyal) said...

This made me smile: "And when you're really angry, you won't let up until I tell you what you want to hear."

Maktub. I've learnt a new word <3

neena maiya (guyana gyal) said...

Hi Cloud, check this out: