She lives on disillusion row
We go where the wild blood flows
On our bodies we share the same scar
Love me, wherever you are...

Wire to Wire by Razorlight

This isn't easy to talk about. Never has been. I've had this dream as far back as I can remember. It's about a particular aspect of my being, about someone I need, and something I really want to be. There was a time I was sure it would happen. I don't really understand what happened along the way but I've now reached a point where I know it never will. With absolute certainty. And that's because one has to be around to make things happen and see them to fruition. But that wasn't on the straw I picked. Still, I carry on with a smile on my face and tiny sense of accomplishment in my head.

Something unexpected happened a couple of weeks ago and I realised my dream could have various interpretations and it could be played out over several acts. For this brief fragile moment, I felt like I was living my dream. Even if it wasn't happening somewhere in the crevices of my subconscious mind and was being played out in someone else's living room. So there it was, everything I had ever desired and craved for. Close enough for me to touch, far enough to figure prominently in the life of another. And it didn't really matter because the name that lingered on my lips was still the one I had buried inside me all this time.