Yesterday while I was taking a shower, my mind was suddenly flooded with recollections of all the times I've been asked for "writing favours". Don't ask me what the connection is, my mind really wanders in the bathroom I guess. Either that or there's something really special in my shampoo that's not mentioned on the bottle. So there I was lamenting the loss of my hair and my knack of attracting the strangest requests, all in the same breath.

People (the ones that don't write for a living or even as hobby) tend to think that our already cursed enough clan by simple virture of being writers should jump up and write each time we are asked to. Sit Tommy sit! Write foolish one write! Same difference no?

One guy (not Joe, in case anyone is reading!) asked me to write an essay that he had to submit along with his MBA college application. Please, please write about why I want to study business management, what my strengths and weaknesses are, what my passions and ambitions are. Hell, if I knew the answers to those questions I would be sitting in some plush MNC office by now, taking home a fancy salary even though I thought Muscat and Oman are two different countries (yes I've met prize MBA catches with knowledge as bad as this if not worse!).

This other guy wanted me to write a profile of his company to use as bait for prospective investors. Of course no information was provided, no facts, no figures. Just write yaar, make us sound good so the investors will be impressed. Ok at least tell me what services your company offers or what products you manufacture/sell or I should improvise and say you're in the fast growing and highly profitable business of edible condoms for midgets?

Then there are the ones I absolutely hate... I'm getting married so please write a nice sweet poem for the invitation card. Or I have to thank the guests who come to my wedding reception, write me a speech. Uh....how about thank you all for coming and I may be returning a lot of the gifts so I do hope you've included the receipts as well. Or the one I absolutely loved - I don't know what to write to my boyfriend, tell me some nice romantic things to write. I just handed over the pile of soppy letters my then boyfriend used to write. Now now don't be judgemental, I helped her out didn't I?

And here are some pretty reasonable requests I'm expecting soon -
- My 80-year-old uncle is having his appendix removed and getting married on the same day, please help me with the card.
- My tenant is not regular with his rent, I want to tell him that if his power supply is cut off or his dog suddenly disappears I am not responsible.
- My maid spends too much time at the supermarket, please write out a very precise shopping list.
- I'm 6 months old already and they're still carrying on with that awful baby talk. Write them an ultimatum - get with the adult talk or I'll make sure they're on diaper duty till I'm 10.

The next time someone asks me what I do, I'm sticking with opera singer.