Sometimes the days and months click on by too slowly for you to notice. Then one day someone asks you a question - How long has it been since  .......(insert whatever is applicable)? And suddenly it hits you; you do a mental count and blurt out the answer - Ummm.... 5 years or 10 years or 15...(whichever applies). As the words roll off your tongue and take their place out there in the physical realm, you find yourself cringing or rejoicing (as the case may be).

I get these asked questions all the time - how long did you work at some place or stay somewhere or be married. And I always have to do a quick mental count. Because the technical answers are always different from the practical ones. Either way, no matter what you talk about, everything always points to one thing - how far you've come. Suddenly, the answer to everything becomes a milestone, a tick mark, a chapter, a book.

As for me, I remember everything that happened from the time I was born until the year 1999. Everything that's happened after that is now a blur. I know I did stuff and went places but there are things I no longer want to remember, people I want to forget, events I want to erase. Time takes care of a great deal but a lot of residue still remains. So I try sifting through my memories and distilling the essence of who I am.

This is me. Sensitive and emotional, irreverant and frivolous, spontaneous and fun, big on dreams and low on self-discipline, scared to love and be loved, but still bares her heart each time. I want to pack my entire being in a bag light enough to string across my shoulders, carry my world with me everywhere I go. But just the core of me, everything else should be empty and bare, with space for more, for new people and experiences. All I want to do is travel and write, love with all my heart, and live with every breath that comes in. All I want to be is Daddy's girl and make him proud of me, once again. I guess I'm still that same old girl I used to be.

One thing has changed though - all the anger and rage has disappeared. If there was one thing I could never control it was my temper. Every time I felt a fit of rage come along, I'd experience a physical urge that I could not control. I never understood why, until 6 months ago. I finally figured out the reason of my constant underlying rage. It's the same rage that burns inside everyone, I just never knew how to deal with it. It was my one big Achille's Heel and the cause for much despair in my life.

Now, I'm happier and calmer than I have ever been and those around me have seen the physical manifestations of it. So much so that my Dad, who'd always been worried about my temper, noticed it and told me how I different I am. He asked me what I've been doing, I just brushed it off and said nothing special, I don't know. But the fact is I do know, and I'm very grateful for the changes within me. I didn't learn it from anyone or anything, just did what I had to and reaped the benefits. I still have most of the same problems, I just know how to deal with them better. As the saying goes, "Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger."