I've lost count of the number of times I have tried to do it. It always starts with a well-intentioned plan. The pros and cons are weighed and obviously, it's the latter that are always tipping the scales.

And so it goes on... first the lines of communication go cold and then just when I think they are dead, you begin stoking the dying embers. How do you do it with those heartbreakingly beautiful eyes and a smile that breaks through all the barriers and noise, placing me right back on the pedestal that you carved for me on the very first day that we met.

You manage to do what no one else has ever succeeded at - keeping me loose at hand, yet tight at heart. You know just where I begin, how I dip in the middle and where I end and then you also know that there is no end to all the loveliness inside me.

You take pure delight in watching the sunbeams dance on my belly while we gaze out on the green fields that still bear the fragrance of the first time you clasped my hand and walked me through your dreams.

You wear both your heart and my sweet surrender on your magnificent sleeve. Your voice is like my guardian angel navigating me through the darkness and when you turn and look at me with the story of us flickering wildly in your eyes, my heart doesn't just skip a beat, it skips an entire hoard of people whose thoughts I couldn't care less about.

You remember every detail about me and manage to weave me into conversations even when I am far removed, both in distance and in context. And just when I think you will never reach into the depths of my smouldering soul, you rise out of the flames and singe me with the secrets of your desire.

I have clearly lost all count of the number of times and all my reasons for wanting to do it... Trying to get over our maddening need to be with each other, the one that defies all logic and moral sense.

Should I just lie back and slit my throat now or will you come and do it for me?