Every New Year's eve I want to do only one thing - be with someone I love, get a little tipsy, dance till I drop, feel shiny and happy and exhausted, put the year to bed with a bang!

And a few weeks later, just in time for my birthday, I want to do only one thing, a different thing - wake up and watch the sunrise somewhere different, be in a glorious new place where nobody knows my name and I probably need to use sign language just to get a cup of tea, feel shiny and happy and alive, start a new year with a fresh perspective.

New Year's eve is easier to come by because the whole world is celebrating and thanks to the law of averages, I sometimes do end up with someone I love, nice and tipsy, dancing till I drop, feeling shiny and happy, putting the year to bed with a bang. Sometimes I'm just with someone I love, spending a quiet evening at home, or sometimes I'm out getting drunk and dancing but with without that special someone. But there've been a couple of times when I've I had it all. Years ago.

My birthday plan is tougher to perfect. And I made it happen only once, just once. That was five years ago. I woke up in a place far, far away from home and where nobody knew my name (except for one person and that one person was all that really mattered). So every year as my birthday approaches I find myself longing to be somewhere else, doing something I've never done before, feeling things I've never felt. It's always a day when I feel like I'm running out of time and I'm reminded of all the things I want to do, all the things I desire. The scariest thing for me is reaching the end with all these unfinished and unlived lives. It's the same for everyone I'm sure. It's human nature.

So here I am once again, struggling to make another dream start to a new year in my life. I have only a few days left on the calendar and fewer rupees in the bank. Because somewhere between a broken clothes washer and a mended heart, I'm trying to live this thing we call life.