I finally emptied a bottle of perfume. This has never happened before. In fact, I didn’t even use perfume for a large part of my life. I’ve been allergic to strong smells and fragrances ever since I was a kid and always avoided them. But a few years ago, I came across some really nice mild perfumes and have been using them occasionally. My favourite is Into the Blue by Escada. It’s cool, fresh and seductive, and it reminds me of the sea. I remember wearing it a couple of years ago when I was going out on a date. He came to pick me up from my friend’s place and I was going down the stairs to meet him while he was running up. As we met midway and hugged, he sunk his head further into my neck and said ‘You smell so good’. I knew then that it was a winner! (Ok, I knew earlier but that just made it even better. Ha ha!). Sadly, my 50 ml bottle has now come to its end but I can’t bring myself to throw it away. I have other bottles of perfume and most of them I’ve had before the Escada; some I’ve bought myself and some I’ve been gifted. I don’t like or use them as much and it’s going to be a while until I chuck the next expensive empty bottle into the bin. 

In an odd way, the bottle of perfume reminds me of my life over the last few years in general and 2012 in particular. The things I love and enjoy have been far too less and they’ve come and gone too soon. But they’ve been so intense and fulfilling that I really have no complaints. If I had to sum it up in just one word, I would say ‘bittersweet’. I started out by doing well on the professional front and then it got even better until it got worse… So I stumbled and fell and then picked myself up again. Now it’s stable. I was doing okay health wise and then I got sick. I got better again, then really sick for a while. In fact, I even lost one of my jobs because of the illness. Then I recovered only to fall sick again, recover, and yes…. sick again! As I type this, I’m under the weather again. Oh well… I know I’ll get better.

I’d love to say that life has been largely stress free but the truth is it’s not. In fact, the last 2 years have been the most stressful of my life. It’s not something I talk about because it hurts too much. I wake up in a cold sweat at nights and my hair has been falling like crazy. I try to find the sweet spots and hold on to them as much as I can. Some days the fear eats into me so much that I find it hard to breathe. Then I manage to lull myself into believing that all will be well. And some days I temporarily empty out my thoughts and fill my head with new ones. But through it all, I savour as much happiness as I can. I love and feel loved as much as I can. Because as far as my life is concerned, this is it. Nothing else has ever been nor will be as important to me. Like I said, it’s bittersweet.

So, like everyone else I’m looking forward to 2013. I’ll be moving soon so I’m hoping my new apartment is as cozy and comfortable as this one. I’ve lived here for 4 years and loved every moment of it. This place has me written all over it and is the best home I’ve ever had. I’m going to miss it like hell. I hope the next one is better.

I’m looking forward to better things work and fun wise too, and I hope they’re more sweet and less bitter!

Wish you all a fabulous new year. I hope 2013 is as good for you as you want it to be.

Here’s a song I love, from a movie I really love. Pure Shores by All Saints, from The Beach OST.

And one more, because I love the blues and this woman! Feel It by Marion James, from Essence