Last Monday, my father fractured his left shoulder
bone. This was the second time in 3 months. The first time it was his right
shoulder bone, which had broken in 4 places. He was on his daily evening walk
when it happened. He decided to take a different route; one that was narrow and
uneven. His foot got caught in the protruding roots of an old tree near a small
Hindu temple. He struggled to free his foot, lost his balance and fell head on.
Apart from the broken shoulder, he had bruises all over the right side of his
face and his spectacles broke.
It took him well over two months to start getting back
to normal. We took him to an orthopaedic surgeon (who treated him without
surgery) as well as a traditional bone setter (the Muslim guys who do the “malam-patti”).
That was then followed by weeks of physiotherapy. He had begun to sit down and
get up without any help, and even get out of bed on his own. He was slowly, but
very reluctantly, beginning to use his right hand again. And then he fell,
again.
The second time was at home. And I was in the room with
him, barely a couple of feet away. But I couldn’t stop it in time, it
happened too quickly. He got up, took a couple of steps and then just fell to
the floor in a heap. This time, the left shoulder bone got damaged, in two
places. More than the physical pain, it was the shock and fear that got to him.
He says everything from the first time he fell came flashing back before his eyes.
Now, he’s struggling with everything. But most of all, the fact that this can happen again… and again. You see, he has Parkinson’s disease. He’s probably had it for around 8-10 years now, but it was diagnosed around 3 years back. That’s the thing with this cruel disease; the symptoms start showing up when 80% of your dopamine has already gone. So, his body has become stiff, his shoulders stoop and his arms don’t swing when he walks. His movements are excruciatingly slow and laboured. His gait has turned into what’s known as a ‘shuffle’. He has a hard time getting out of chairs and beds, especially after extended periods. And, he has a hard time finding balance sometimes, which is what leads to the falls. Add to that his age and the fact that his bones are brittle, and a simple fall is never just that.
Now, he’s struggling with everything. But most of all, the fact that this can happen again… and again. You see, he has Parkinson’s disease. He’s probably had it for around 8-10 years now, but it was diagnosed around 3 years back. That’s the thing with this cruel disease; the symptoms start showing up when 80% of your dopamine has already gone. So, his body has become stiff, his shoulders stoop and his arms don’t swing when he walks. His movements are excruciatingly slow and laboured. His gait has turned into what’s known as a ‘shuffle’. He has a hard time getting out of chairs and beds, especially after extended periods. And, he has a hard time finding balance sometimes, which is what leads to the falls. Add to that his age and the fact that his bones are brittle, and a simple fall is never just that.
So yes, it’s been tough. The past 3 years have been the
hardest of my life. I don’t talk about it much because this is my Achilles
Heel. I find it unbearable, watching my father suffer so much. I would give
anything to take his pain away. But the only thing I can do is be there for
him. I can lift him out of bed and chairs. I can hold his hand while he walks
and dress him up when he has to go out. I can feed him when his hand hurts too
much, and I can help him open bottles and jars when he needs to. I can play
music to calm him down or just entertain him, talk to him about my day, and
help him turn the pages of the newspaper while he reads. I can buy him his
favourite chocolates and cookies and sometimes, whip up something nice to eat
(sometimes because my mother is very strict with his diet).
I can cover his face with kisses and gently hug him through the day (this is more for me than him) and make him laugh with my stupid jokes. But there is only so much that I can do. I just can’t make this damn disease go away. Each time I think about it, those words of doom come back to haunt me. “There is no cure. This is a degenerative disease. The symptoms can be managed with medicines but over time, the dependency on the drugs start making it worse. There is nothing you can do. There is NOTHING you can do. There is nothing YOU can do.”
I can cover his face with kisses and gently hug him through the day (this is more for me than him) and make him laugh with my stupid jokes. But there is only so much that I can do. I just can’t make this damn disease go away. Each time I think about it, those words of doom come back to haunt me. “There is no cure. This is a degenerative disease. The symptoms can be managed with medicines but over time, the dependency on the drugs start making it worse. There is nothing you can do. There is NOTHING you can do. There is nothing YOU can do.”
Even a normal person would suffer with both hands
injured, can you imagine how tough it is with Parkinson’s? But we’re taking it
one day at a time, because it’s the only way we can stay sane. Although the
jury is still out on how sane we were to begin with! (Come on, I wouldn’t be my
Daddy’s girl if I couldn’t laugh in the face of adversity now, could I?)
4 comments:
I know exactly what you're going through, watching a parent age, and watching him / her struggle with an illness. And I know why you haven't talked about it much, it's too painful.
One day at a time is the best way, it really is. Find a way to keep your spirits up, and you'll be able to help your father. If you're sad, it will tell on your health also, so take care of you too.
About Parkinson's - my grandpa had it.
Hugs x x
Thank you GG, from the bottom of my heart. xoxo
You are doing so much. All the treatment in the world cannot compare to the love and care you and your mother are giving him.
Take comfort from the knowledge that the three of you are united in coping with impossible odds.
God bless CC.
Thank you Pat. At least I don't feel so useless anymore.
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