So I ended up going out for lunch on Saturday and it turned out to be great. We went to this old Chinese joint that I hadn't been to in ages. I think I last went there around 15 years ago with an ex. I couldn't even recognise the interiors of the restaurant but from the looks of it I'm pretty sure nothing's changed! Sometimes I think that I may not even recognise this ex if I bump into him. But he is the sweetest guy I've ever known and I often wonder where he is now and what he might be up to. He last called me up years ago, just after I had gotten married. It was my birthday, I think, and he called to tell me that he had just became a dad. A son, I think it was. I wonder if there are any more... He's the only ex I've kept in touch with by choice, even after we had broken up.

Reminiscing apart, the lunch was actually superb except for their horrible version of the Lung Fung soup. We had yummy wontons, which were first steamed and then sauteed in a spicy sauce, paper wrapped chicken, steamed rice with veggies and a delightfully simple salt and pepper chicken. Went back to the pad and yammered on about the cruel vagaries of fate that everyone seems to suffer. On a very superficial level though, because this time I sensed an ocean of calm within me and tried to share it. Couldn't bear to see the tears in her eyes. I can see life getting better for me now, and I just want the same for her.

Decided to go home on Sunday to meet the folks. Was surprised to find my brother there as well. We talked a bit, or rather I talked and he just shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He opened his mouth just twice and both times it was to say some sharp stuff. It's funny how that would have affected me earlier, but now it just makes me smile. He doesn't know what I know, unfortunately... That apart, Sunday was great with Mom and Dad as it it usually is. I think they're less anxious now and are slowly coming to terms with it all. Am waiting for the day when they will finally understand that what they now perceive as misfortune is actually the best thing to have happened. And not just to me, to us as a family.

Also got my stash from Kashmir on Sunday - green kahwa leaves, almonds, walnuts, dried apricot and fig. My evening tea ritual just got a whole lot better. I've been brewing the kahwa with clove, cinnamon and cardamom and pouring it over chopped almonds and saffron. Divine! And with the rains around the corner, it's just going to go down even smoother.

It's almost the middle of another week and I'm more aware of the changes than I've ever been. This time I can actually see myself turning into the person I'm supposed to be. I may never be married again and I may never have a child of my own, but I'm much happier now than I was when one of these was true and the other was an actual possibility!