Last evening, as I got bored watching the rain splash relentlessly against my window, I pulled out my notepad and tried to write a poem. I couldn't go beyond the first two lines. Some thoughts are better nipped in the bud.
I scratched the lines out slowly at first and then with a vengeance, which later turned into doodles. Then I turned the page over and started to write. It was a question to myself. I didn't plan it or even think about it; it just came swimming out along with the ink from my pen and lay itself mockingly bare, on that cruel white piece of paper. The question was this:

Why can't I write anymore?

I didn't stop to think about it or even attempt to answer it, I continued writing. It turns out I had many more questions to ask myself. When I'd finished, I realised that it was a list of things about myself that have been bothering me, things that I have been failing at, things that I want to set right. Then I started numbering them, there were 9 questions in all. As I read through the list again, I noticed that the items on it were not in order of priority. But the numbers, which I had added as an afterthought, were actually going to help me.

Number 5 seemed to be at the fulcrum of my problems. Without realising it, I had listed the most important question in the middle. Number 5 in a list of 9. There were 4 before and 4 after. This was the most important question/problem I had to tackle. Followed by number 9. Then number 2,3,4,1,6 and finally number 7. This is the order in which I will have to work through my problems because the solution to one will unlock my understanding of the next.

I will not share the entire list with you, after all I should keep at least some things to myself, but I will tell you what number 5 is. It's what I believe to be the question that all of us should ask ourselves at some point or the other. It's difficult to answer or deal with but I believe, if tackled soon enough and honestly, can help immensely. The question is this:

Why can't I admit the truth to myself?

Pandora's box has well and truly been opened, my friends.