Back to my holiday. So this is about my onward journey to Calicut, which is the nearest airport to the place I was headed to - Wayanad.

After a day that could have been an ode to Murphy's Law, I somehow make it to the airport in a mad mad rush. Baggage check, security check, water check, loo check and then.... a nice long wait. Why else? The flight isn't on time, of course!

I sit down in one of the chairs and respond to all the text messages and missed calls. All my friends are wishing me good luck like I'm going on an expedition to the North Pole. So I'm talking on the phone and this guy comes up to me and grins. I gesture to him that I'm on the phone. He hangs around for a while, still grinning by the way.

After I finish the call he comes back and I ask him what he wants. Apparently it is to give me the oldest pick-up line in the book, which by the way I've never been given before.

"I think I know you."

"Ummm...No you don't."

"But your face looks familiar."

"Maybe, but I don't know you."

"My name is so-and-so... I am from Kerala but I work here in so-and-so company. I really do think I know you."

"No you don't."

"Where do you work? I'm sure we've met before."

"Nowehere. And once again, no!"

Grinning still.

"Okay. Looks like we're on the same flight anyway, so let's sit together."

"No, thank you."

Then he walks off and I move on to the next call. I want to finish talking to everyone before I leave because I want to totally switch off once I reach.

So in between all the calls I walk up at least 5 times to the airline ground staff to enquire about my flight.

"Please wait Ma'am, we'll let you know."

A while later, a guy in a suit comes up to me and says, "You can board now."

I go to the washroom because I don't like using the loo on planes, trains or anything that moves actually.

Right in the middle of peeing, I hear my name being announced on the speakers, "Please board your flight immediately."

What the hell? I was just told to wasn't I? I come rushing out (yes, yes, hands washed) and run to the exit. Everyone has already boarded and I'm the last one. Nice!

Anyway I hop on to the coach and reach the aircraft. As I am walking towards my seat, I see my friend grinning at me in the first row. The seat next to him is empty! I could have died laughing, but I quickly moved on thinking that it was the funniest thing to happen to me that day. I couldn't have been more wrong!

After an agonisingly long walk down the aisle (Why do people take so long to get into their seats? They should have some mad rabid dogs barking wildly in the aisles so that everyone can just park their arses into their seats quickly!), I make it to my seat and of course, someone else is in it!

I politely ask the guy to move but all he does is stare at me blankly. I try asking in a different language but my friend still doesn't get it. By now I notice that he's made himself very comfortable in MY window seat by kicking his shoes off.

I try again, "Sir, you are in my seat, could you please move?"

Finally he sort of half gets up and turns around saying, "Call her."

"Call whom?"

"The air hostess."

"But you're in my seat, may I see your boarding pass?"

It's sticking out of his shirt pocket but he refuses to look at it himself, leave alone letting me have a look at it.

By then, all the men from the seats around gather and ask him what's up with his refusal to get up.

"I don't know anything. The air hostess told me to sit here. She explained this to me," he said pointing to the emergency exit next to the seat.

"Why would she do that?"

"I don't know but I want to sit here, I will not move."

By then, I had run out of what very little patience I have by then.

"What do you want to sit near the emergency exit for? Are you planning to jump off the plane?"

He blinks at me crazily like a moron.

"Are you going to get out of my seat or not?"

"Call her."

"Get out of my seat and then go and call whoever the hell you want."

And then comes his prize-winning reply, "Ask me nicely."

I couldn't believe the gall this man had. I had asked nicely at first, did he think I had all day to stand around and pander to his stupid whims?

All my knights in shining armour then got agitated and started yelling at him to move, so he finally did. I wanted to slap him, he refused to listen to me but finally got up when the men asked him to! What is it with men? Why do they have such a problem taking instructions from women?

I thanked them all and got into my seat and then, just like the Hindi movies of the 70s and 80s in which the police arrive at the scene of the crime after everything's over, the stewardess comes bouncing down the aisle. I asked her what was up with that dude.

"Did you instruct him to sit here and why?"

"No Ma'am, I did not."

"Then why was he refusing to get up?"

"Ma'am since he was sitting near the emergency exit, I had to explain to him the procedure to be followed in case the plane crashes. I thought it was his seat."

All three of us burst out laughing (me and the two guys in my row) because we realised what had happened.

The prince who refused to get out of my seat must have sat down without bothering to check the number. Perky stewardess comes bouncing down and explains to him what to do in case of an emergency. And our friend thinks he has now been officially made the saver of the aircraft in case of a crash!

Of course, the stewardess had to do her job with me as well so she started explaining what I should do in case of an emergency. She tried hard to keep a straight face while doing it, because the three of us just could not stop laughing. Especially since our friend, who was sitting across, kept blinking madly at us!