Today this great playground that we call the interweb, made me realise how true it is when they say that the further you run away from things, the closer you get to them. Somehow, we all come back to the place where we once started.

So there, bang in the middle of my wonderful afternoon with a chilled beer, I came face to face with the one thing I had been dreading. A reminder that an ugly past can come back to haunt you in the guise of an even uglier present. But then these are the nerves of someone who has steered bravely through many storms and come out in one piece. It took me a couple of minutes to realise that perspective is all that matters.
Nothing is really as it seems. All those shiny, happy couples you see in photo albums could actually be lying in very cold beds at night (I speak from ahem...experience). And the sad, fat, lonely, old fools could very well be going to bed after some very powerful full-body orgasms.

So here it is, the naked truth.

Watching European movies with sub-titles.

Framing movie posters and magazine covers and putting them up on walls.

Buying expensive cookbooks and shopping for exotic ingredients.

Buying furniture from the same shops that everyone else in the same demographic also does.

Holidaying in the same places that everyone in the same demographic also does.

Doing the exact same thing, meeting the same set of people (or their clones) every other weekend.

Hanging out only with colleagues and thinking they are your "friends."

Making sure the bookshelf is lined with the same type of books.

Collecting empty bottles, peeling off the labels, putting stuff inside and calling it art.

That is the life I would have had...

Watching black & white movies on TCM with Dad.

Framing a painting I made and putting it up on the wall.

Going through old recipe books, recollecting the things my grandmother taught me, talking to my mother, closing my eyes and thinking of a cake to bake for someone I love.

Living with the same old, mismatched furniture I've bumped into for years, and continue to bump into on happy tipsy nights or a regular morning! The worn out old couch on which I had the most perfect kiss once, lied down and cried several times, fought with possibly the most shallow person in the world, laughed with old friends and new...

Holidaying in new places (on the rare occassions that I can), expanding my horizons, feeling new and rejuvenated, doing only the things that make me happy.

Meeting only people that matter, whether they are old or new, online or offline, every single soul adding to my imperfect but unique life.

Having friends who always seek me out and come back to me, no matter how many years or decades have passed, without agenda or motive. Who go beyond the perfunctory messages on networking sites and truly reconnect. Who know the real me and love me inspite of it!

Talking to my family every single day, meeting them as often as I can, connecting in a way that only blood can. Every time they call me by my nick name, and especially when Dad says, "How are you my love?" Nothing could ever make me happier. Not even if George Clooney whispered sweet nothings into my ears.

Knowing what is important and where my happiness truly lies.

Reading things that interest me, that are well-written, that stir up things inside me in a way that nothing else can, that have a voice that finds a way to mine.

Writing something that will hopefully make someone else say the same thing about me someday.

Knowing how truly gifted I am - whether it comes to writing or cooking or baking or caring or laughing or inspiring or being resourceful or helpful or strong or independant or even just making love ;-)

Drinking from the bottles until they are empty and then throwing them out, because that's all they will ever be - receptacles. The real art is what was inside them.

Expressing myself in a way that only I can. Not caring about what people think of me or the way I dress or look or whether the labels that actually just itch my bum are designer or not.

This is the way I have always lived. It will never change.