The other day Marmalade and I concluded that we both find Tabu and Nandita Das hot enough to cross over to the other side. Not only that, we decided we want to be in the movie Fire with both of them. Since the movie was already released in 1996 and Deepa Mehta will not give us the time of day now, we have decided to write ourselves into the movie anyway. We're going to get rid of the dead weight husbands and invalid mother-in-law. Mundu, the pervert porn-watching wanker manservant, we decide, is a good ally to have so he will have to stay. The restaurant and video rental store will now become a plush porn lounge, from where we will plot the evil machinations of how to throw over-the-hill Shabana Azmi out and rope in the gorgeous smoking hot Tabu. Don't worry, we will take care of the fact that neither Tabu or Nandita Das would want to touch either of us with a barge pole. What the hell are drugs for? Mundu ganja le ke aao!