So are you happy?
I may not live the life I had dreamed of but I think the one I'm living now is far better. I've realised that the bravest thing I've done is letting someone in, allowing them to truly love me.
But love... is love really the answer?
I've been on the road before - metaphorically. Suicidal, frivolous involvements, a total sense of apathy. I thought I was being strong when I was really weak.
So it's that simple then. All you need is love?
I haven't had it easy. I'm still battling my demons, every single day. Things aren't always the way they seem. Sometimes you look for something in the depths and all along it's right there on the surface.
You've found everything you're looking for.
I am still not whole. Every day I get out of bed and proceed to piece myself together like a jigsaw puzzle.
Are there any missing pieces?
I have no complaints because this is me. All the physical and mental abuse is a part of me. It's who I am. I tried running away from it for years until I finally saw the futility of it all. I have the scars to show for everything. Some the world can see, some only I can.
You probably don't want to hear this but I really feel sorry for you.
Why? Do you think I'm too messed up?
No... It's just that a woman holding an empty martini glass is one of the saddest sights in the free world. Let me refill it for you.
Dame Rebecca West was right - "There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all."
And hey, make that a dirty martini would you...
I may not live the life I had dreamed of but I think the one I'm living now is far better. I've realised that the bravest thing I've done is letting someone in, allowing them to truly love me.
But love... is love really the answer?
I've been on the road before - metaphorically. Suicidal, frivolous involvements, a total sense of apathy. I thought I was being strong when I was really weak.
So it's that simple then. All you need is love?
I haven't had it easy. I'm still battling my demons, every single day. Things aren't always the way they seem. Sometimes you look for something in the depths and all along it's right there on the surface.
You've found everything you're looking for.
I am still not whole. Every day I get out of bed and proceed to piece myself together like a jigsaw puzzle.
Are there any missing pieces?
I have no complaints because this is me. All the physical and mental abuse is a part of me. It's who I am. I tried running away from it for years until I finally saw the futility of it all. I have the scars to show for everything. Some the world can see, some only I can.
You probably don't want to hear this but I really feel sorry for you.
Why? Do you think I'm too messed up?
No... It's just that a woman holding an empty martini glass is one of the saddest sights in the free world. Let me refill it for you.
Dame Rebecca West was right - "There is no such thing as conversation. It is an illusion. There are intersecting monologues, that is all."
And hey, make that a dirty martini would you...
7 comments:
Acceptance is the first step to recovery.
Kudos.
Acceptance of what - being an alcoholic or too messed up or having too much time on my hands to conjure posts out of quotes read long ago ? :-)
er .. Ancient Jungle saying -
"when hungry, eat food"
Acceptance of who one is.
To change, one must know what one is changing from.
Thank you for your random unsolicited advice people. Do drop by again!
I once saw a monkey riding a dog, he was wearing a crown made from a polystyrene cup covered by gold foil.He had a most regal bearing. I think he might have been the king of the urban jungle or some-such.
I think this was one of the best pieces that I ever read on your blog... and I loved the way you concluded it.. 'with a dirty Martini'....
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