It's strange how hollow it feels even now. When my insides had already been scooped out, somewhat literally. Didn't think it was possible to feel any more emptiness. And then there is the pain. It's funny how I'm able to ignore the most debilitating pain for the longest time until finally something either gives way, shuts down or bursts open. I haven't experienced pain like this ages. The kind that is accompanied by blood and gore, suppressed by mind numbing drugs and survived by a lingering sense of deja vu. I'm not sure what's worse though, this horrible drug induced nausea or the strange longing I feel for my midnight space cowboy. It seems like things would be just a little bit better if I still had you. Seems like it wouldn't hurt as much if you still existed.