Thumbing through his phonebook, he found her number buried in the alphabetical order. When did he take it off speed dial? He couldn't remember. Was it ever on speed dial? Couldn't remember that either.

In the few seconds that it took for the call to connect, an uneasy feeling made him want to hang up. He couldn't do that now though; not with these new fangled pieces of technology and their tell-tale signs. She would know it was him calling, she would also know it was him hanging up.

So he waited till he heard that all too familiar hello.

Uhhh... Ya, it's me.... He said.

Uhhh... Ya, I know. What's up?

Ummm... Nothing. Just wanted to tell you about the.... He mumbled.

It was the same conversation they had every month; all mundane and routine, devoid of any apparent affection or feeling. They each had it down pat by now, and it seemed pointless to even repeat it month after month.

Still, it was something that had to be done and needed to be said. It was a way of keeping the heavy stuff at bay. Nothing ventured is not just nothing gained; it's also nothing pained.

It seemed to go down smooth, like all the other conversations of the past few months. Until, she decided to break the rules and ask an actual question of consequence.

"Ummm... Can I ask you something?"

"Uhhh... Ya, sure." He didn't like where this was going, he didn't like it at all. It was all he could do to stop himself from pressing the red button on his phone. But he stayed on to hear what she wanted to ask.

"I was wondering.... Do you, you know... hate me now."

"No, of course, I don't. How could I?" He was surprised at how fast those words came tumbling out. It was also the first true thing he had said to anyone in months.

"Yes, it's tough. The way things are between us now. But I definitely do not hate you."

"Okay. I thought maybe you did... What do you think of me then?"

Long, long pause. The longest pause there ever was between two people having a conversation over the phone.

"Honestly, I don't know what or how I think about you now, but I do know this..."

"Ya?"

"I think about you all the time. From the time I wake up and stand under the shower, till the moment I kick my shoes off at night and get into bed."

"What!?"

"Everytime I get into the car to drive to work, I feel your presence there. I look over to your side and see you adjusting the mirror for me. I look at the air conditioning vents and turn them toward your seat. But it's empty now.

And when I feel like there's too much of you inside the car, I fix the air freshener into place."

"But..."

"Yes, I know you hate it. You always hated it. So I think that maybe if I turn it on, it will drive you away."

Silence.

"Hello? You there?" He was checking.

"Yes..."

"Do you have your answer now?"

"No... I mean... Yes. Thank you."

"And?"

"I think... I have to go now. We'll talk later ok? Bye."

"Bye." In an instant, he regretted everything he had just let slip out and knew he would have to pay for this, one way or the other.

She opened the fridge and took out the bottle of Portuguese rosé that had been chilling for over a year.

"I think it's time, finally."

She poured herself a drink. It was the first of many drinks she would have by herself.

He sat silently in the car, with the windows rolled up and the volume on the stereo turned down. He could never listen to music when he really needed to concentrate.

Slowly, his hand reached for the air freshener.