Some months back I watched Saif Ali Khan (a famous Indian film star) in a TV interview where he was talking about life after divorce. Of all the things he said, one thing in particular struck a chord with me. Speaking about society’s reactions to his divorce, Saif said that he sensed some latent hostility from people who did not even know him. Marriage being a social institution, he explained, his act of breaking it was viewed as one of defiance. He had, in a way, upset the social order for those around him and even if they were not directly affected by his divorce he faced a certain amount of disapproval.

Now in Saif's case, if the grapevine is to be believed, he walked out of the marriage because of his involvement with another woman, thus becoming the perpetrator of the so-called crime. So the hostility towards him does seem slightly understandable, although not valid. To society at large however, it doesn't matter who walked out on whom. Once you are separated or divorced, people still view you with a certain amount of trepidation.

I have realised that this is very true and I'm speaking from my own experiences of the past year or so. People no longer know what to do with me now that I am single. And it's not the same kind of singledom from the time before I was married. I have two friends who are a couple of years older to me and have never been married, and I see a difference in the way people interact with them and me.

The first thing I noticed after I got separated was that people stopped keeping in touch with me. I'm talking about people from my side, as it were. The ones I knew independently before I had even met my husband. They just stopped calling me. And even now, on the rare occasions that we do meet, they have nothing to say to me or ask me. They are obviously trying to avoid the elephant-in-the-room questions about my ex, but at the same time their nonchalant behaviour makes me feel so invisible that I wonder whether I have suddenly stopped existing for these people. Of course, I’m not talking about close friends (just one close friend actually) and immediate family here. I mean everyone else.

It’s as if I am a failure now just because I could not hold on to a man. And I do stress upon the words hold on. Nobody gives a hoot about the quality of your relationship. Just as long as you’re still standing together, however shakily, you are a success. The minute you break-up you have crossed over the enemy line. All of a sudden people who invited you to their parties and pestered you for invitations to your own, now no longer want to have anything to do with you. Not only are you single, you are also childless and live by yourself in a rented apartment (that’s a whole other story) so what in the world will they talk to you about now?

It makes me go back in time and try and recollect my days of being married and how I treated people who were in the situation that I am in now. I honestly can't remember and it could be because I haven't known anyone in this situation. A close friend of mine got divorced some years back but then she remarried so quickly that when I next met her she was no different from the last time I had seen her i.e. with spouse in tow.

So anyway, I don't particularly enjoy socialising these days because people make me feel awkward. I'm quite socially inept as it is, especially when I'm meeting new people, so this just makes matters worse. I try and avoid these shiny, happy, group gatherings where women my age sit and talk about their husbands, kids, cars, new purchases, etc. I have nothing to contribute and always end up playing with the kids!

I get the feeling that these people are somehow ill at ease having me around in this situation. Like somehow, I was more socially acceptable when I had a man by my side. I have also noticed the steady decline in invitations to social events. Especially since I haven’t found a replacement for the man I separated from.

No one knows what to do with a single person at social gatherings. And I don't understand how it should make a difference unless these social events are partner-swapping meets. Even then, it would be fun to have an extra person to mix things up a bit, wouldn’t it ;-)