i think i love you the way i love cigarettes.

i've smoked them as far back as i can remember.

and i keep trying to give them up.

i'm not really sure why.

i just think that it's something that would be good for me.

like no longer loving you.

like it's something futile with no end in sight.

nothing to hold on to or live with.

but everytime i get a whiff of the heady tobacco

i can feel my defenses dropping down.

like it happens each time i see a picture of you.

or hear your voice at the other end of the line.

once a year, or maybe once in 2 years.

or read the small black print on my computer screen.

once a month, or maybe once in 2 months.

replete with typos and grammatical errors.

not because you can't spell.

but because you're looking over your shoulder as you type.

and it's all i can do to stop myself from taking a drag of you.

like resisting the sensuous pull of those cigarettes.

the ones i've given up countless times in the past.

but never really gotten out of my system.

yes, i think i love you like i love cigarettes.