Song on my mind - Bang Bang Bang by Tracy Chapman

One more day, another slow awakening on a muggy morning and it's that same old craving inside of me to want to be so much better than I am. To want to write like all the veins in my body had exploded leaving me no recourse but to continue bleeding.
It resurfaces and repossesses, striking back vainly as I say hush! To hollow out my insides each time I hear those glorified praises. To lacerate what's left with these grandiose notions of self-fulfillment. I've set the bar too high, too out of reach. To make me fall each time, to make me want to come close to giving up...but not quite, not just yet, not right now. Turn around and try again. One more time, one million more times.
The craving is constant and continuous. I am a poet of pain, and not only for the angst I write about. It's more about the pain I first create, indulge and revel in before serving it up on a rusty old platter. Trapped within the foibles of my being, mired inside the insecurities I build around me. Life is lonely indeed, for a poet of pain. I am a lyrical liability, a rhythmic runaway. I need new words like a hitman needs new bullets.