I've just ridden over a week or so of crazy days. I had so much to write about, so much to "chronicle". But my goddamn "hi-speed tri-band internet connection" suddenly died on me. I practically tore through the pages in my notebook and wore out the keys on my cellphone with all the frantic note taking. Why didn't I just type out posts and save them on my hard disk you ask? Valid question and I'm about to tell you why...

So I start calling the MTNL (my internet service provider) helpline from day one to complain about my defunct connection. First of all it takes 45 minutes for some gandu to even answer...I swear each time I called it would take that long. Then each one of those madarchods (and I spoke to a lottt of them believe me) gives me the same set of instructions. By the end of it I know everything by heart but still no online nirvana! Then the benchods give me some complaint number, which I am to quote for future reference, and promise it's a problem that cannot be fixed online and an engineer will be sent to my home. Aapka complaint ekdum urgently forward kar raha hoon madam, they all sang the same fucking tune.

And 4 days go by but no sign of engineer or the internet crackling back to life. Quoting that ridiculous complaint number doesn't help either. So each time I switched on the laptop I was on the goddamn phone with those assholes, demanding to know the status. And since each call took me close to an hour, sometimes even more...I could not write or do anything constructive. After years I had to resort to playing Freecell and Solitaire, anything to keep myself from cracking open my own skull.

Finally yesterday I went completely ballistic and the poor motherfucker who was unlucky enough to take my call peed in his pants I think! He actually told me he was shivering! I ranted and raved saying I would go down to the MTNL offices and do tod phod. I was promptly put on to "very senior" officers. Some more ranting and raving and plenty more dhamkis, which eventually paid off. One more scared shitless fucker comes on the phone and says madam switch off your modem. I am going into the server room to reset your password. You can try connecting 30 minutes later, I guarantee you will be online again. I've been told that a million times already and it doesn't work, I bit his head off, I want to see your goddamn engineer! Do you people actually have engineers working for you, or are they milkmen on sabbatical? But he kept pleading and something told me I should believe him. So I followed his instructions and voila...an hour later I was online!

I could not believe it... If it could be done then why not earlier? Why drive me nuts (I'm nuts enough already)? I'm fiercely proud of being Indian but I swear it's times like this when I want to give up my tri-coloured citizenship and go live in the Honduras. I'm not sure if the bureaucracy works better there but at least I could drown my sorrows in some A grade rum and dance to some hot music.

By the time I got back online I was totally addicted to playing card games on my laptop and listening to Elton John's greatest hits in a loop, particularly shouting out along with Tiny Dancer (yeah if you heard me sing, you would agree that it can't be called anything but shouting!!). So I continued in that daze the last couple of days ;)

There, now that it's out of the way, I will proceed to write about one of the most amazing weekends I've had in a long, long time. Hopefully tomorrow!