Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary.

This morning I step out of the bathroom to find my maid, surprisingly without being asked to, cleaning out the storage area in my bedroom. Out come the things I dumped in there a year back when I had just moved into this apartment, all caked and covered in dust. I don't even recognise half the stuff that's in there.

"What's in this madamji?" she asks thrusting a big black bag towards me. I tell her to look in. She takes out boxes covered in plastic, on which I can read my Mom's neat handwriting - Cloudcutter's head gear, Cloudcutter's bouquet, Cloudcutter's gown and Bastard's tuxedo shirt etc etc.

I open the boxes and look in. No shaking hands, no choking, nothing. I take out the ivory wedding gown and my maid says, "Why don't you hang it in the cupboard, you can wear it sometimes."

I ask her what she had for breakfast!

"No, you can wear it like a maxi, I see women on TV these days, in long dresses like this one."

I try and explain to her the repercussions of me walking around in white lace!

This is turning out to be fun, I think. Then we find a bag filled with stuffed toys - teddy bears, monkeys, rabbits and what have yous. By then I've told her what today is, so she asks, "Did you get these as wedding gifts?"

I seriously need to check on what she's having for breakfast!

Then she says, "Why are you putting them back in? Display them in the living room!"
Yegaads! I stuff the damn things back in quickly before she asks me to cut up my wedding bouquet and walk around with satin flowers in my hair!

Then I find this big bag filled with photo albums. I go through them, mostly smiling... It isn't sad at all. In fact, I'm having a nice time looking at pictures of friends I haven't seen in years. Man, those were good times. I'm sure I'll have them again. Only this time, I'll make sure I have a good looking, smoking hot, taller, talented, and definitely human side-kick next to me ;-)

So the better part of the morning is spent that way. No tears, no fuss. Until noon.
My phone beeps. I look at it. It says one message received from the grinch who stole your money and your youth. Hmmm? I open it to see...

"Hi!! Are you free to file the papers on thurs or fri?"

Wow! That, I don't expect. Not from him. Not today. Anyway, I reply...

"Why wait that long? Why not file today? It would be the perfect way to celebrate."

Long, long pause. I totally understand. I've worked with children with "special needs". Some might call them retards. I am not so mean, I assure you!

"I asked because you said you were busy last weekend. Just wanted to know if you're free this week."

"And you chose today to ask me? Are you seriously that insensitive or have you forgotten what the date is."

Longer pause.

"I do know what the date is. But would it make me less insensitive in your eyes if I asked tomorrow? I am just being honest, not sarcastic. Please understand."

Wow! honesty! Coming from someone who lies for a living. So I reply...

"This honesty you speak of would have been of more use when we were together."

After that, nada. I think he's furiously texting his girlfriend asking her what to do. They probably hadn't gotten to this part of the tutorial.

You know the best part about this whole thing? The more my ex acts like a jerk, the easier it is for me to get over him. If he continues like this, I'm going to be auditioning for my new side-kick by Christmas. After all, that was the day I first caught him cheating on me with a snot-nosed brat who was walking around in soiled bloomers the day we got married!

P.S. If you don't see the humour in this post, stop reading my blog now!

P.P.S. Every word in this post is true. This is fact not fiction! Welcome to my life. Yes, I know, I know, I should be on lithium. Tell me something new...