Restless Saturday night; I woke up thrice in my sleep. Once because of a bad dream, once because the timer on the air conditioner had gone off and I had forgotten to switch on the fan, and once because I had a muscle spasm in my left leg.

I'm beginning to unravel once again as the date gets nearer. I try not to think about it, in fact I'm starting to perfect the art of getting rid of a thought almost as soon it pops into my head. But people are always asking and they are well-meaning people (aren't they always?) and so I have to answer. It always takes me back a couple of steps each time though.

There's so much that I want to do.
There's even more that I should be doing.
And then there are all the things that I'm not doing.

Dull Sunday morning and I tumble out of bed. I switch on the computer and read about the lives of others. Their bad experiences at restaurants, at supermarkets, at workplaces, at the train station, anywhere but where I am. And I think why can't I have problems like that and the luxury to vent about them. Sometimes not only is the grass greener on the other side, so is the manure.

I want to say to people, give me your crap for a while. Don't take mine, just give me yours so I have something else to think about, or something else to try and forget. Just give me something else to feel, anything.

I crave a big mug of strong tea flavoured with lemongrass. I want to bite into a banana walnut muffin and see if it tastes better than it did yesterday. I want to forget the realisation of the fact that it really wasn't what I thought it was. I want to open up the box and see what's in store for tomorrow.

Contentment now sits in the pit of my stomach like some bitter bile. And I don't want to throw up.

Then I hear David Gates in my head, loud and clear - Look, look what you've done. So I click open Youtube and search for Bread. Ironically, all I find at first are videos on how to make Irish Soda Bread. Eventually I listen to the song and it washes over me like the first drops of rain.

Well, you took all the best of me. So come get the rest of me...

It's so clean and simple and easy and for once, doesn't remind me of anyone or anything. Just pure acoustic plucks and Gates' soulful strains for the most part.

...look back, finish what you've begun.