When was the last time you had a good conversation? Or even a meaningful conversation and not just "intersecting monologues", as Dame Rebecca West famously put it. I am trying to recollect the last time I came out of the other side of an exchange with someone and felt better off... The closest I can get to is April 20 around 5:45 PM (I just checked my phone call log to confirm). I was returning my friend N's missed call a whole 24 hours later. We started out with the usual how are you and what's new... If I recall correctly, it was not a great day for me and I had been battling the blues rather unsuccessfully. So in a bid to deflect any more questions coming my way, I casually asked him if he was born in the city that he now lives in.
We've known each other since 2000 but I couldn't recall if I knew where N was born and where he spent his early years. Anyway, he told me that he was born in another city and then moved elsewhere before finally being deposited with his maternal grandparents at his hometown. He actually started living with his parents and siblings only when he was 10 years old. N went on to tell me about his family, those early years, then relocating and adjusting to life without his grandparents, whom he had grown very close to. I barely asked him a couple of questions and he didn't need much prodding but I could feel him opening up and letting me in. I am not going to get into the details here because it's his story, not mine to tell. But listening to him narrate it was such a fascinating and intimate experience... I could feel his guard dropping and the warmth in his voice made it seem like he had his arm around me while leading me inside a tiny attic bursting with memories. Some moments can feel like the artist's brushstrokes - silhouettes against a dark wooden floor, dust particles dancing inside a single stream of light, tear stains on yellowing pages, traces of the years gone by on hands that can no longer stay still, a particular shade of blue highlighting an object in the background...
Even though it was mostly N speaking and me listening, I still call it the best conversation that I've had recently. For one, it was the nostalgia, the history, the memories, even if not mine. Secondly, it was the opportunity to know a little more about someone else. N and I are extremely comfortable with each other and can talk about anything under the sun without any hesitation. He sends me the raunchiest jokes on Whatsapp knowing full well that I can laugh without being offended. I can tell him some of the most personal things about myself even though our friendship has always been and will always be strictly platonic.
I remember when we first met, I was deeply involved with someone. In fact, N was a friend of my boyfriend's colleague. But we got along like a house on fire and went on to have some great times but always in a group. We never really hung out alone but even then we always shared a special bond. Life took us our separate ways for a while in between but we reconnected a little over a year back and this time it's just the two of us. The old gang doesn't exist anymore and N and I are now in different cities but we make it a point to stay in touch. But I guess there's still a lot we don't know about each other. Conversations like this are rare but when they do happen, leave me with a sense of wonder - that elusive quality I yearn for.
When was the last time you looked at someone with wonder? For me, I rarely experience it with adults and it's mostly children and dogs that fascinate me. But to look at someone I have known for so long with wonder once again, to not feel jaded, well, I have to admit is quite a special feeling. I love getting to know people, finding out what makes them tick, unearthing the maps to their psyches. During my conversation with N, I realised why he is the way he is... Why he is so resilient, so positive even in the worst of times, so trusting and open, so unabashed about expressing his feelings, so unhesitant about asking for help, so loving and giving... It was an eye-opener not just for the way I look at him, but also how I look at myself. If I had to sum up the experience in one word, I would say it was enriching. It just made me feel better about everything.
We've known each other since 2000 but I couldn't recall if I knew where N was born and where he spent his early years. Anyway, he told me that he was born in another city and then moved elsewhere before finally being deposited with his maternal grandparents at his hometown. He actually started living with his parents and siblings only when he was 10 years old. N went on to tell me about his family, those early years, then relocating and adjusting to life without his grandparents, whom he had grown very close to. I barely asked him a couple of questions and he didn't need much prodding but I could feel him opening up and letting me in. I am not going to get into the details here because it's his story, not mine to tell. But listening to him narrate it was such a fascinating and intimate experience... I could feel his guard dropping and the warmth in his voice made it seem like he had his arm around me while leading me inside a tiny attic bursting with memories. Some moments can feel like the artist's brushstrokes - silhouettes against a dark wooden floor, dust particles dancing inside a single stream of light, tear stains on yellowing pages, traces of the years gone by on hands that can no longer stay still, a particular shade of blue highlighting an object in the background...
Even though it was mostly N speaking and me listening, I still call it the best conversation that I've had recently. For one, it was the nostalgia, the history, the memories, even if not mine. Secondly, it was the opportunity to know a little more about someone else. N and I are extremely comfortable with each other and can talk about anything under the sun without any hesitation. He sends me the raunchiest jokes on Whatsapp knowing full well that I can laugh without being offended. I can tell him some of the most personal things about myself even though our friendship has always been and will always be strictly platonic.
I remember when we first met, I was deeply involved with someone. In fact, N was a friend of my boyfriend's colleague. But we got along like a house on fire and went on to have some great times but always in a group. We never really hung out alone but even then we always shared a special bond. Life took us our separate ways for a while in between but we reconnected a little over a year back and this time it's just the two of us. The old gang doesn't exist anymore and N and I are now in different cities but we make it a point to stay in touch. But I guess there's still a lot we don't know about each other. Conversations like this are rare but when they do happen, leave me with a sense of wonder - that elusive quality I yearn for.
When was the last time you looked at someone with wonder? For me, I rarely experience it with adults and it's mostly children and dogs that fascinate me. But to look at someone I have known for so long with wonder once again, to not feel jaded, well, I have to admit is quite a special feeling. I love getting to know people, finding out what makes them tick, unearthing the maps to their psyches. During my conversation with N, I realised why he is the way he is... Why he is so resilient, so positive even in the worst of times, so trusting and open, so unabashed about expressing his feelings, so unhesitant about asking for help, so loving and giving... It was an eye-opener not just for the way I look at him, but also how I look at myself. If I had to sum up the experience in one word, I would say it was enriching. It just made me feel better about everything.
2 comments:
Great writing again, CC.
Guyanese people looooove to talk...in the queue, in the market. They share ideas, opinions, stories. I think it's the one thing that keeps me going here without my loved ones.
How can you write so beautifully? I am most envious that I am not N :).
Childish talk aside, what a lovely insight and as always, what a treat to browse through your craft.
You are truly one of your kind CC.
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